BTSFF Bowl V Champion: Jerk City Cockmobile (Greg)

Commissioner: Jason

DNYM completely obliterated the competition during the regular season, losing just 2 games by a total of 2 points, and outscoring opponents by an average of 29 points per game. But nothing could stop the Jerk City Cockmobile. After finishing 8th in points during regular season, he snuck into the playoffs and won when it counted most.

Final standings

Playoffs

Season standings and stats

Season weekly scores

High scores

Winnings

Luck awards
Tough Luck = Top 4 score and loss
Lucky Bastard = Bottom 4 score and win
Scoring rank in ( )

Season misc records

Final rosters

Draft results

Transactions & Trades
Add/drop transactions not recorded

Trade #1 - Draft:
Greg - Kevin Jones FOR
Kranick - #2 draft pick (Greg took Steven Jackson)

Trade #2 - Draft:
Greg - Kurt Warner FOR
Damion - Round 10 and 13 draft picks

Trade #3 - Week 1:
Tee - Stephen Davis, Jaguars DEF FOR
Carlos - Ben Troupe, Eagles DEF

Trade #4 - Week 6:
Kranick - Reuben Droughns FOR
Heidi - Deion Branch

Trade #5 - Week 9:
Tee - Jake Delhomme FOR
Tonya - Rod Smith

League rules and settings

Team names and owners

Jerk City Cockmobile - Greg
DeezNutznYoMouf - Tee
Houston Hacks - Steve
dead last - Jason
Hog Heaven - Damion
Bye Week - Jerry
Allegheny Whitefish - Kranick
Sexy TDs - Tonya
Titanium Torpedoes - Heidi
Monkey Poop Extract - Carlos

Draft details and order

Tuesday Sept 6th, 2005 - 7:00PM
Held at Jason & Tonya's condo in Delray
Will use Kranick's audio streaming server so the long distance teams can listen in and IM their draft picks.

10 team keeper league
Draft is 16 rounds in serpentine format
Draft order is reversed based on finish last year (10th place drafts first, etc.), so it will be:

1 - Carlos
2 - Steve
3 - Jerry
4 - Kranick
5 - Heidi
6 - Greg
7 - Tee
8 - Tonya
9 - Damion
10 - Jason

Draft layout:

Season details and starting time

NFL Week 1 begins Thursday, Sept 8th 9:00PM.

We will play 14 regular season weeks, as usual.
Week 15 is Playoffs
Week 16 is Superbowl
 

Money

$30 buyin - Must be paid by draft time
$300 pot
$125 - 1st
$60 - 2nd
$30 - 3rd
$15 - 4th
$5 for each weekly high score ($70, 14wks)

Keepers

Each team may keep up to 3 players from their 2004 final roster.
Keepers must be declared 3 days prior to draft time (Sept 3rd).
Keepers are finalized at draft time.
We will continue with 3 keepers in next year's draft.

Free agents/Waivers

Submit via email to commish - jason at webpagedepot.com
FA move requests must be submitted by Friday 8PM.
For Thursday night games, requests must be submitted by Thursday 2PM.
2 rounds allowed per owner per week.
Last place team gets first choice in each round.

Dropped players must stay on waivers until the following week.
If owner doesn't use both moves, they can still drop/add a player up until kickoff
(If one of your players gets injured on Saturday for example, and you have no backups.)

No FA moves after Week 14. This means no FA moves during playoffs.

Trades

After owners agree on a trade, each owner must send confirmation email to Commish.
Trade deadline is Friday, November 18th, 2005.
There is no maximum trade limit.
Owners may trade players and/or draft picks during the draft.
During the regular season, draft picks for the next year may NOT be traded.
(To avoid potential problem where owner trades away their future picks and then doesn't return to the league)
 

Weekly starting roster

1 QB
2 RB
2 WR
1 FLEX (RB/WR/TE)
1 TE
1 K
1 D/ST (Defense/Special Teams)

Scoring system

Statistical Categories (Offense):
Passing Yards (20 yards per point)
Passing Touchdowns (6)
Rushing Yards (10 yards per point)
Rushing Touchdowns (6)
Reception Yards (10 yards per point)
Reception Touchdowns (6)
Return Yards (20 yards per point)
2 Point Conversions (2)
Offensive Fumble Return TD (6)

Statistical Categories (Kickers):
Field Goals 0-19 Yards (3)
Field Goals 20-29 Yards (3)
Field Goals 30-39 Yards (3)
Field Goals 40-49 Yards (4)
Field Goals 50+ Yards (5)
Point After Attempt Made (1)

Statistical Categories (Defense/Special Teams):
0 Pts Allowed (10)
1-6 Pts Allowed (7)
7-13 Pts Allowed (4)
14-20 Pts Allowed (1)
21+ Pts Allowed (0)
Sack (1)
Interception (2)
Fumble Recovery (2)
Touchdown (6)
Safety (2)
Block Kick (1)
Kickoff and Punt Return TD (6)

Playoffs

We will adhere to Yahoo's 4-team playoff system.

First Week (Week 15)
P1: First Place vs. Fourth Place
P2: Second Place vs. Third Place
C1: Fifth Place vs. Eighth Place
C2: Sixth Place vs. Seventh Place

Second Week (Week 16)
Superbowl: Winner P1 vs. Winner P2
Third Place: Loser P1 vs. Loser P2
Fifth Place: Winner C1 vs. Winner C2
Seventh Place: Loser C1 vs. Loser C2

Tie breakers

We will adhere to Yahoo's tie-breaking rules.

Other policies

For any emergency roster changes or FA moves, it is your responsibility to let Commish and/or your opponent know prior to kickoff.
For example if you have a problem logging into Yahoo and can't make a last minute roster change,
email "everyone at btsff.com" with your changes and call Commish or opponent.

If you draft a player who is released/injured before the season starts and you do not have a backup,
you may exchange that player for a free agent of the same position, before the season starts.

All transactions will be executed with the intent of improving the owner's team.
Owners may not drop or "dump" players from their team for any reason other than improving their own team.

No collusion.

If you find a rule that is somehow exploitable due to the Commish's bad grammar or clarity,
please bring it up to the league so we can get it clarified and take a vote if needed.

Quotes of the year

Carlos - Pre-draft
"I'm in, but this year I get to win more than 2 games..."

Tee - Week 3
"My bad I am no longer giving any advice except for Dead Last, after Gonz is shut down tonight, I advise you carefully put DNYM."

Greg - Week 4:
"I got LT and Shaun kicking my nuts over in the whiplash league,
then i got culpepper and smith jumping up and down on my vas deferens over in the bts."

Damion - Week 4
"You are right though Tee. I am playing down to my competition.
Kinda like how I let you stay in the game for the first three quarters when we play Madden."

Tee - Week 6
"Another week another win...good practice whitefish."

DNYM to Monkey Poop Extract - Week 7
"Is this considered a bye week for me? LOL"

Greg - Week 7
"touchin ya and it's a bad touch baby, i'm all up in everyone's grille at fortune .500 now... dunno what to do wit me do ya? no! you don't! haha! scored the fewest points than anyone in the leauge, two weeks outta first place... ain't got a wr worth a goddamn... cockmobile y'all... gonna dismantle yer satellite n make ya watch CABLE... gonna put salt in yer suga and suga in yer onion powder and onion powder in yer condoms... awww yeah... cockmobile gonna gitcha, gonna felch ya, gonna full-on defenestrate yo azzzzzz... "

Jason - Week 7
"The biggest draft/keeper busts and gems so far

Top busts:
#1 - Tony Gonzalez (drafted 4th round. 12 pts in 5 games)
#2 - J.J. Arrington (still has time to develop but a bust so far for a 5th round pick)
#3 - DeShaun Foster (was kept over Bulger and Boldin)
#4 - Nate Burleson (keeper.. hasn't lived up to the hype.. now injured)
#5 - Michael Clayton (20pts in 6 games. 5th rounder, taken before Steve Smith, Boldin, and Cadillac.)
#6 - Andre Johnson (5th rounder)

Top gems:
#1 - Joey Galloway (round 15, I remember laughing when Heidi took him, who would've thought? nice pick!)
#2 - Santana Moss (round 13)
#3 - Plaxico Burress (round 12)
#4 - Thomas Jones (round 9, AFTER Cedric Benson was taken)
#5 - Eli Manning (round 11)
#6 - Cadillac (round 6, after JJArrington and TJ Duckett were taken)
#7 - Steve Smith (round 6)
#8 - Carson Palmer (round 7, the last #1 QB taken)"

Damion - Week 10
"Cooley also gets a game ball. He will be a Probowler next year. You heard it here first."

Jerry - Week 10
"Its official, Im worse than Heidi. With this honor, I now rename my team to "Bye Week"."

Tee - Week 11
"Another one bites the dust. Will someone plz give me a little competition.
Hacks are you next? This is almost too easy."

Damion - Week 12
"183!!!! DAMN!!! I guess there's no doubt about who won the most points this week, but I think Tee is peaking too soon.
Its like giving all your money to the first stripper you see at Tootsie's. You're gonna wish you saved something for later."

Greg to Tee - Week 12
"I'd rather be lucky than good any day. Remember that as I'm thrashing you for the champeenship bwah.
That's right, ME thrashing YOU for the pot o gold this year."

Greg referring to Jason's lineup - Week 15
"jasper wells? I'm not even sure he's a real player I think you're making it up.
and chris brown against the seattle d? you told me you didn't do drugs."

Damion - Week 16
"I finally convinced the doctor at the hospital that I was sane and the shock of not making the playoffs was the reason for my nervous breakdown. I would just like to go on record and say Joe Horn or any other Saint as a matter of fact will NEVER EVER see the time of day on my team. if I had beaten Tonya I would be in the Superbowl next week. On that note, Tonya is tops on my hit list next year."

Greg - Postseason
"next season predictions

- All rams fantasy players will be useless. Tory Holt will demand a trade. Stephen Jackson: 500 yds, 3td.
- Daunte Culpepper will be a Cowboy, and Heidi will be all excited about drafting him first overall, but he won’t be any good
- The defending world champion Redskins will have a top 3 rb, top 5 qb, top 3 wr, top 3 te and number one overall d
- Tampa will get Eric Moulds via free agency, then wonder why
- Miami will win the afc east and it won’t be close and that makes me sick
- remember when the cardinals won a playoff game about 10 years ago, then sucked again? Think Cincinnati this year
- Matt Leinhart will be drafted by the saints and pull an Eli, or Elway. He’ll end up in Arizona somehow.
- Houston’s new coach Dan Reeves will not make it through the year without a hospital stay
- Kyle Boller will remain sub-par
- Rushing Champ: Cadillac Williams
- Injury Year: Shaun Alexander"

Kranick - Postseason
"final prediction: Tee will lose to Carlos in BTSFF Bowl VI,
the difference being a missed Doug Flutie drop kick, thereby solidifying the DNYML moniker."